Spring

Spring is creeping in a stop start way into the Southern Uplands. The snowdrops are out, and the daffodils are nearly out. Most of the local famers have given up keeping any sheep or cattle. Everyone is waiting for the windfarm decision. To pass the time, I have planted some bulbs. Travel to and from this part of Scotland was disrupted for several weeks by a rail crash near Oxenholme in the Lake District, but the service was restored yesterday. this is good, because I am going to London to investigate the Country Living show at the Islington Design Centre. Country Living in Russia is simple and short. I suspect that Country Living in Britain will be more like the home life of Liz Hurley in the Cotswolds. If you and Natasha aspire to status in your country mansion there must be an Aga and perhaps some labrador dogs. More later in the week. Yours Tatiana

Tatiana’s Diary November 2006


Dear Olly

I am just back from leave in Moscow where as you know my mother was taken ill. Conditions in Moscow hospitals are unspeakable, but luckily she is home now and my sister has found a nice young woman from one of the former republics to live with her and help her. This has freed me to return to the UK. I may need to take a well-earned break from my research - see you in the spring!

Despatch Fifteen

The Veil. There is a useful English general principle governing behaviour such as the wearing of the veil by Muslim women. The principle is: 'So long as they do not do it in the street and frighten the horses'. This covers the case, both literally and metaphorically, I think.

Despatch Fourteen

The story so far:
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...

Despatch Fourteen

Idiom of the Day: Conkers. Not to be confused with bonkers (deranged). Conkers are the inedible fruits of the horse chestnut tree, and the name of a game played by children in the autumn. The game of conkers consists of two contestants, typically boys, each with a conker (optionally hardened for combat, eg by soaking in vinegar) suspended on string. They take it in turn to strike their opponent’s conker, until one conker fragments. A group in a playground or some other community will continue until there is a champion conker which remains intact. A similarity might be drawn for Kolya between this schoolboy game and the more deadly struggles for power in the politburo during the Soviet period.

The anniversary of the Hungarian Uprising is marked in the media.

Q:What is the name of Sir Paul MacCartney's lawyer? Just curious.

A: He is represented by Ms Fiona Shackleton, a rather fit* lawyer

*Idiom of the day number 2: Fit means physically attractive

Q: And her address?

A: Don't even go there, Oleg. I thought you and Natasha were trying for a little Lucullus or a little Avaritia. If you are feeling restless, give Natasha some cash and send her to Milan for a couple of days to get some new outfits.

The copyright and all other rights in this blog and the characters featured in it belong to Tatiana Larin-Gremin, and they may not be copied, adapted or otherwise used without her agreement.

Despatch Thirteen

The story so far:
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...

Despatch Thirteen

A visit to the Holbein exhibition at Tate Britain. This gallery was built by a 19th century sugar baron, like our Tretyakovsky Museum of Art and the Zalesskiy palace, formerly the British Embassy, in Moscow. Holbein was a 16th century master portrait painter. One picture caught my eye, with a view to naming your future yachts. It is called the Triumph of Riches – very appropriate -, and the merry throng of people depicted are labelled with Latin names, many of which roll off the tongue. I do not know what they mean, but then probably nor would most people in the ports round the world where your fleet may dock. These are some of those words, in no particular order:
Avaritia; Libertas; Impostura; Bon Fides; Fortuna; Usura; Iustitia; Contractus; Aequalitas; Notitia; Voluntas; Ratio; Lucullus; Simonides. If you and Natasha are blessed with a daughter to be company for little Kolya, perhaps you will consider Avaritia, Usura or Notitia? These names have a certain cachet of classical learning which will enable them to hold their heads high in any educated company.

Q: I am a simple seaman and I would like to start an art collection. What would you advise?
A: Your wall space is limited in the crew’s quarters. So-called kinetic (moving) art is coming back into fashion Why not consider a mobile hanging from the ceiling? Look on the web for an Alexander Calder if you can afford one.

English idiom of the day: ‘Nobody expects..’ When this formulation is used at the beginning of a sentence, it is probably a reference to a famous comedy sketch about the Spanish Inquisition from a TV series called Monty Python’s Flying Circus. This series is a cult among many of the intelligentsia, and I have secured a ticket for their latest venture, a musical about the search for the Holy Grail . I am not sure how the Monty Python cult relates to mainstream Christian observance. Perhaps you could ask Fr Mitrofan what his opinion is of these and other manifestations, such as their movie based on the New Testament, 'The Life of Brian'.

The copyright and all other rights in this blog and the characters featured in it belong to Tatiana Larin-Gremin, and they may not be copied, adapted or otherwise used without her agreement.

Despatch Twelve

The story so far:
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...

A strange coincidence

This afternoon, I walked up to my local bookshop to buy a collection of essays about Eastern and Western Europe by the historian Norman Davies. To remind me of the title of the book and its author, I had torn a review out of a weekly magazine. I passed this scrap of paper to the assistant behind the counter, and the assistant said to a man standing next to me, who was paying for a book: Adam, didn't you review this book? The man said: Yes. I reviewed it for The Spectator. Amazed, the assistant passed him the scrap of paper of his - Adam Zamoyski's - review, which I had torn out of The Spectator. This strange episode reminds me what a small world it is. But you wouldn't want to paint it (thanks to Sasha for this witticism ).

Ask Tatiana

Q: We read alarming things about the marriage of oligarch Abramovich and his wife Irina. What will become of us if there is a rift in our captain's lute (idiom of the day) and Oleg's assets are frozen ?
A: This will never happen. There was a pre-nup. Besides, Oleg has Natasha's mother locked up somewhere in the Letgo's hold.

The copyright and all other rights in this blog and the characters featured in it belong to Tatiana Larin-Gremin, and they may not be copied, adapted or otherwise used without her agreement.

Despatch Eleven

The story so far:
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...

Despatch 11

I commend to you an educational film called The History Boys, by the classical British author, Arnold Bennett. Please notice particularly a scene in the film set in some ruined buildings called Fountains Abbey. You might like to take a flip over this place in your helicopter in case it appeals as your HQ. Once repaired, there would be plenty of room for your fitness equipment, pool, helipad etc. I hope that Eton is not like the school in the film. The boys and the masters are at it like knives (see idiom of the day, below), many of them are overweight and quite old (the boys, that is). Perhaps it is some kind of Arnold Bennett roman a clef. Here in London the Indian summer continues. Camellias, which apparently usually flower in February, are threatening to bloom at any moment. Your new pale green Aston Martin DB9 has been delivered. Would you like Sasha to bring it to a convenient port on one of his days off, or shall I keep it in the garage?
Idiom of the day: At it like knives - having sexual intercourse
Crew Question: Are there any Russian builders working in Chelsea?
Tatiana's answer: No. they are mainly Polish or Ukrainian.

The copyright and all other rights in this blog and the characters featured in it belong to Tatiana Larin-Gremin, and they may not be copied, adapted or otherwise used without her agreement.

Dear Tatiana - Queries from the crew of Letgo Answered

The story so far:
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...

Dear Oleg, thank you for forwarding some FAQ's from the crew. I will do my best to answer their questions one by one.
Q: Dear Tatiana, I have received an invitation to spend my next shore leave with friends in Chelsea. Is it true that the sign of appreciation of such hospitality is to urinate in their garden?
A: No. Urinating in a garden leaves an unpleasant lingering smell and the acidity may affect plant growth.
Keep those questions coming!

The copyright and all other rights in this blog and the characters featured in it belong to Tatiana Larin-Gremin, and they may not be copied, adapted or otherwise used without her agreement.