Despatch Three
Tatiana is employed by a Oleg, a Russian oligarch exiled at sea on his yacht the Flying Dutchman (Letushchy Golandets, Letgo for short). Her job is to brief him on all aspects of British life pending his arrival in London. Oleg and his wife Natalya (Natasha) have a son Nicholas (Kolya)who is down for Eton. Tatiana has a bodyguard Alexander (Sasha) with whom she recently had to flee to a safe house in a remote part of Scotland. Due to difficulties with the bank, which has frozen Oleg’s account, Tatiana has had to let the basement of her house in London and Sasha has got a job as a roadie until Christmas with a touring theatre company...
Dear Olly
Sundays in this part of London are quiet, except for a noisy collection of bottles from the many nearby nightclubs and restaurants at 3.0am. If you and Natasha decide to have a place in London, I suggest you buy up one of the garden squares (you could get one for about $300 million) –there is plenty of room for staff in the houses down each side, and you could knock down the row along the far end, away from the main road, for a mansion, perhaps in the style of J. Nash or F. B. Rastrelli. And ban the refuse collection. The fashionable Kings Road itself was originally a private road, built by Prince Charles’s (q.v. – the biscuit maker) forebear and namesake, King Charles II. London roads are very narrow compared to ours. (No doubt the sea air is making your brain seethe and I know I am only one of your correspondents around the world so forgive me if my notes are necessarily parochial.) Do you have any books in English on board apart from Fr. Mitrofan’s Complete Works of P.G. Wodehouse I wonder? Let me know if you would like me to compile a list of contemporary English literature. Meanwhile, for your edification I recommend the new English movie The Queen, starring H. Mirren directed by S. Frears. There is a very good topical joke in an otherwise quite serious story set in 1997, at the time of the death of Princess Diana Spencer (q.v. - M&S). At a busy moment, one of Prime Minister Tony Blair’s aides answers a telephone and says ‘It’s Gordon’ to which T. Blair replies ‘Tell him to hang on’. The audience appreciates this very much, since Gordon (Brown) has been waiting for some years to take over from Blair as Prime Minister. These things are arranged differently chez nous, n’est ce pas? I have often wondered what it is they put in the Kremlin water when it is time for a change. It might be worth finding out and getting the formula to G. Brown. He would be grateful, and might appoint you to the House of Lords. Dear Olly, I see that life expectancy for Russian males is 58. Please be careful and do not go too near the rail. More soon – tomorrow I will be continuing my researches in Scotland.
Yours truly,
Tanya
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